I Was Holding This Back

I'm a spiritual woman and don't take effort to hide that, but at one point I realized that there was a still a tiny part of me that was concerned about being misperceived or judged if I shared photos that showed me doing my spiritual practices. 

I was scared of being thought of as an appropriating white woman (real talk - because in more ways than one I certainly have been one!), or someone who was just faking it for photos in the age of staged instagram lifestylers.

Whenever this kinda of stuff comes up, it’s a pretty strong ding ding for me to address & speak to it quickly instead of letting it play out behind the scenes.

The truth is I’ve always been spiritual. I’ve been spending my days in prayers since I was a little kid. As I got a bit older I’d spend my evenings lighting candles in my room attempting to sit cross legged to meditate. I built my apothecary of essential oils and crystals before I even entered high school. In high school I often spent time at church 3 times a week. *religion is a whole other beast that I won't get into today*

I trained in energy work (Reiki) shortly after high school and have been practicing it ever since.

I’m very privileged to have access to travel, college, books, trainings, mentors and friends (not to mention the treaty 6 land and people) where I’ve been able to learn about & experience other spiritual practices.

There’s been times where I’ve felt clear on my beliefs, and oh so confused. There’s been times where I’ve been so connected to my intuition and trusting of it, and times where I felt totally disconnected.

After nearly a decade of working with clients, I’ve gotten to the point where I’m guided in each and every moment to discern what is going to best support that person. Whether it’s deep, spiritual work or practical business strategy, or something else entirely. To me it’s all spiritual. It’s all guided.

And, most importantly, whether I shout it from the rooftops or have pictures of me meditating or anointing clients with oils, it doesn’t really matter, because I know what my work is. I know what I’m doing. And, I trust without a shadow of a doubt that those who are meant to work with me and be in my energy, are guided to - whether they have a logical understanding of why or not.

Today I’m not hiding my spirituality for fear of how other people may or may not perceive me. I simply express myself however I’m guided to, wherever I’m guided to, without holding back.  

The same goes with the rest of my expression - it's all guided, and whenever I've held it back or held it in, I've felt stifled, unsatisfied... heavy.

Wherever you’re at in your journey of expression, I invite you to explore where you’ve been holding yourself back for fear of what others may think. Maybe it’s your spirituality, and maybe it’s another area.

Whatever it is - I invite you to give yourself permission today to practice letting yourself express yourself more fully today. To trust YOUR guidance on what that’s meant to look and feel like.