I never thought I’d want kids. My sister was always the one cooing at and holding babes every chance she got. Me? My response was to slowly back away (think Robin from How I Met Your Mother).
And yet 4 years ago I was sitting at a café with my bestie in NY before heading back to day 2 of Marie Forleo’s RHH Live, journaling about my 5 year vision. I have a hard enough time knowing what I’ll want to do a year from now let alone 5 years from now… so I closed my eyes and started writing.
From that day on all my visions of the future have included a little girl named Maya. Logically I couldn’t grasp it…at all… but she was always there.
Since then each year there’s been little messages and messengers that have helped me slowly release the extreme resistance around having a baby.
This year has felt more like an initiation and full preparation. Four years after that journaling session and I’m finally a “Yes” to the possibility of having a baby, and it’s f*ing up my business. It’s been two sided.
The one (and biggest) side has been more internal and psychological. Letting go of all the beliefs I’ve had about who I am and what motherhood means (there’s been a LOT to let go around this!).
I’ve had moments of wanting to grasp onto being sure I’d be the type of mom/biz owner that would hop right back into work and be so content with G taking care of house and babe. There was a part of me that was judging others (I’m sorry! Okay maybe not judging but realllly NOT wanting this to happen for me) for “losing their identity” to being a mother.
I was assuming I would (and attached to the idea of) hop back to work right after and grasping at being the same person. Meanwhile there’s this tiny little voice saying “be prepared to let that go. Be prepared to WANT to not work. Be prepared to WANT to chill with babe. Be prepared to be blissfully content being different than you think you’ll be.”
[Tweet “After all motherhood is a lot to do with surrender, right?”]
My ego has been grasping (desperately, I might add) at being this independent, free, woman and the idea that I can BE that and a mom. The coolest part of the last few months has been creating new visions, possibilities and archetypes around what being a woman, wife, mother, business owner, etc. can look like – without having to lose the things, feelings, values that are most important to me.
All these thoughts and fears have allowed me to do some deep healing as well as preparation in my business for different possibilities. As you can imagine this has been utilizing much of my creative energy. Getting to the “yes” was fairly all-consuming. But, as soon as I felt that all in “yes” everything started shifting back to my business – the excitement, creativity, passion. It’s different than before though.
Here’s what I’ve been doing to prepare for those of you in a similar position and who are curious:
1. I’ve re-evaluated my Lifestyle Design and Business Pleasure Map to include the possibilities of G staying at home with us as well as initial possible extra costs of a baby. For those of you unfamiliar with The Business Pleasure Map, basically this means I am looking at how much I’ll want to be working, how many private clients and launches I’ll be wanting as well as what our lifestyle will cost.
2. I implemented the support, system and structures I would need to have Clarity To Clients and the ambassador program to launch and run without my involvement (other than hanging out in the amazing private group) if necessary. This was HUGE for me. Up until this point I’d run everything in my business very intuitively and spontaneously without many systems set up at all.
3. Creating new visions of who I want to be and who I can be as things continue to shift and evolve.
4. Leaning into trust. Trusting that I have no idea what things will be like, and trusting that even though I can’t know that I will always be able to figure it out along the way.
5. Giving myself permission to have a fresh start in my business. Looking at what I’ve been holding onto a little too tightly, what needs to be let go of, and what wants to be birthed (no matter what it is!).
So, even though thinking about having a baby really f*ed with my head and business for a while it has given me a beautiful opportunity to re-evaluate what’s really important to me, what I want to create and who I want to be going forward.
can you relate?